Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Relationship. Show all posts

17 June 2019

[Secret] Love Is Not Only What You Need In a Relationship [See Why]


what a working marriage looks like close up, which is a different thing. The first thing to say about "happy marriages" is that I doubt there are many of them. Very roughly, half of all marriages end in divorce.
I suspect that of those who stay together, half are hanging on because of children, money, or fear of loneliness. Some are truly and consistently happy, out of a fortunate combination of circumstance, rather than any particular brand of love or tactic. Most of the remaining marriages, I think, are not about happiness or unhappiness, but accommodation and negotiation. And I say that as half of a married couple in which both of us have probably made one another both happy and unhappy, probably in roughly equal measure. We are very different people, but then all people are very different people. And therein lies the central problem of marriage, which asks you to spend close company with one person for years on end.
My wife and I both have a very strong sense of individuality, and I like that, but it means we have our fair share of fireworks. Anyone who does not have a lot of disagreements in a marriage is probably repressing a lot of stuff, which is liable to explode sooner or later.
I have already had one marriage that did not work out (I hesitate to call it a failed marriage because it succeeded for a fair while) and this one has already lasted a lot longer, which I take as a good sign. We have the basics – we love each other – but that is just the beginning. To me, there are three keys to marriage and they are all very difficult to forge.
The first is communication, which I have written about here beforeand which I don't intend to go into again. Suffice to say that good communication requires practice, goodwill, determination and a considerable amount of inborn talent.
The second is respect, which in many ways is more important than love. Love comes and goes, but respect endures, and provides the space for love to flow after the ebb, which is bound to come in all long marriages sooner or later.
The third is trust. And this is the hardest of all, because if you have ever been let down – and we all have – reconstructing the trust is difficult. This isn't about infidelity, but many small matters – broken promises, bad intentions, frustrated hopes.
You have to trust, even though you have no guarantee you won't be let down, and then, if you are let down, trust again, and then again. You must keep doing this as long as you are humanly able to, and your marriage will either stand or fall on it. This requires what I call the power of "forgettory" as opposed to memory. You need to forget and forget again about any perceived hurts and mistreatment. Dragging the weight of the past behind you will drag you down in the end.
But you will never, can never, "get there", because there is nowhere to get to. A marriage is a moving process, a living thing, and if it stops being fed with these existential nutrients, it will finally expire. Complacency and laziness is what kills marriage, far more than lack of love, and that is why it is often described as hard work. But no work is ultimately more rewarding

14 February 2019

Are you ready to win your dream girl? Here are 10 ways to win a girl’s heart:

Are you ready to win your dream girl? Here are 10 ways to win a girl’s heart:

1. Be pursuant

Pursue her without the pressure. In other words, don’t try to “front” and be cocky. Have a conversation first and show her you are interested beyond her appearance. You don’t have to come up with some crazy pickup line. You can simply say, “I want to introduce myself…”Be sincere and genuine in wanting to get to know her. I see too many good guys get intimidated by a girl’s beauty up front, but take a closer look, and find her true self. Honestly, if you can get past this, you’ll have a leg up on the other idiots out there. After all, being genuine is where you excel the most. This is why you are the good guy!!

2. Be a gentleman

Girls don’t want to be treated like a queen, but they do want to be treated like a princess. She doesn’t want you to be a doormat, she wants you to be the one in charge. Open every door for her, especially the car door. Pull out her chair and allow her to sit down first when you take her on a date, and let her order first. When you are walking alongside the street, you should be the one walking closest to the street. Being a gentleman is being selfless.

3. Be complimentary

On our first date, I told her “You look so beautiful.” I then told her how great she looked when I saw her without makeup the night before. It was real and sincere. While she later revealed to me that she had been testing me to see if I would still like her without makeup, I simply saw a girl who didn’t have enough time because she just got done at the gym. That was incredibly sexy to me.

4. Be intentional

Invite her to parties, events, and game nights with your friends. I called Kristen every day when I finally got her number. I sent her encouraging text messages and inspirational Bible verses. I told her I wanted to be her man on our fifth date. She wasn’t ready, but she knew what I wanted. I gave her the time she needed with no stipulations, while still pursuing her intentionally. She told me she loved that.

5.Be creative

You don’t have to blow your bank account to impress her. Think outside the box. I’ve been watching one of my good buds Danny pursue his girl right. [Update: Danny Booko is now engaged to Nia, the current Miss USA 2014.] He took her on a hike in Malibu, CA to waterfalls and then took her to this place called M Cafรฉ complete with swans. He’s also taken her to the Getty museum and the zoo, which are free. Another idea is to take her to a place like Color Me Mine, where you paint your own pottery. Putting thought and originality into a date lets her know you really care about showing her the best in life and it allows you to experience each other across various situations.

6. Speak well of her in front of other people

Hold her hand. Pick-up artists recommend saying backhanded compliments, but nothing beats a genuine and sincere compliment. A backhanded compliment might work for a one-night stand, but come on, this is a poisonous ingredient in trying to form a long-term relationship. Treat her just as kindly in front of friends and family as you do when you are alone.

7. Be attentive

Show her that you care for her and her needs. Pay attention to the small details. Girls care about the small stuff, big time. For instance, on our first date, I knew Kristen was a vegetarian, so I took her to a vegetarian restaurant called Cafรฉ Gratitude. Listen to what she has to say.

8. Be protective

Don’t let her walk alone to her car. If she’s going on a jog or walk at night, tell her you want to go to keep her safe. If she’s going to the gas station at night, go with her. If you’re at a club and she needs to go to the restroom, take her there and wait outside the door.

9. Be a good listener

Ask solid open-ended questions that include “what,” “how,” and “why.” If you’re doing most of the talking, you’re not getting very far with her. Show her you care with body language and by repeating back some of what she just told you.

10. Be romantic

Plan ahead. What do you want your love story to be? You are the writer. When people ask where your first kiss was, you don’t want her to answer with the driveway or that you were drunk at a party. The night I kissed Kristen for the first time, I wanted it to be special. I took her to an overlook on Mulholland Drive. We stood on top of the city, and that night I was her very own Superman. It was a special moment and I ended up proposing to her there.

Finally, be yourself. There won’t be much longevity if she’s fallen for a false persona, and why would you want that anyway? I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m not the coolest guy out there, so I have fun in my dorkiness. There is no one else like you, so be confident. When you are walking in truth, game isn’t necessary. You’ve already won.

15 July 2018

REASONS WHY women remain single — and what to do about it

Six reasons women remain single — and what to do about it

There are many pretty and smart single women who wonder why they are not catching the eye of any man – and therefore start to ruminate on what may be wrong with them.
While it is quite easy for some women to get approached and propositioned by the opposite sex, it is hard for others.
Here are seven reasons why, as a lady, you are single – and how to get out of it.

Setting unrealistic goals

Unrealistic expectations from a man, and from what a relationship should be about are the cause of the single status of many women.
Many go as far as setting unfeasible goals that are almost impossible for their partners to live up to.
What to do: Life is all about compromises, they won’t kill you. Try making one or two, and viola, your Mr. Right may saunter in.

Being materialistic

In this age of independent women, there are still some who capitalise on any given opportunity to penetrate a man’s pocket.
But unfortunately, making materialistic demands are a turn-off for most men, hence, they steer off.
What to do: Be less demanding and expect nothing from a man and he’ll be attracted to you for that – and possibly even do more for you.


Relationship requires work and a degree of accountability, and to many women, that’s a no-no. Many women out there are not willing to give up their independence and freedom for anything. They want the ability to make their own decisions without being accountable or submissive to anyone.
What to do: Being accountable to your partner (provided it is vice versa) or a tad submissive won’t erode your independence or make you lose yourself. Try it, one step at a time. It won’t hurt.

Being unreceptive

Most times, ladies are actually the cause of their not getting approached. Some are just too uptight and often wear a stern expression that wards off any potential suitors.
What to do: Ladies in this category should learn to be more receptive, drop the attitude, wear a smile and give out their number more often.

To avoid being restricted to one person

Most ladies, like men, want to explore and embark on many sexual conquests without any form of inhibition. For this reason, they’d rather remain single.
What to do: As fun as exploring is, it is nothing like having a stable relationship or a shoulder to cry and lean on. If you really want to explore and yet desire a relationship, believe it, there’s a man out there who’s willing to tow that path with you.

Ethnicity and religion

In these parts, ethnicity and religion play a big role in how women choose spouses or the relationships they venture into.
Many would rather remain single until they find a lover whose ethnic group and religion fits their desire
What to do: This is a personal thing and everyone has a right to go for what they are comfortable with but at the end of the day, every man is created the same, regardless of ethnicity and religion. Rather than remain single, go for an open-minded man whose decisions, actions and principles are not motivated by tribe and religion. There are many.

02 April 2018


There are a number of good reasons, in harmony with God’s design for the home, for desiring to be a part of a marriage relationship. One may meet a winsome Christian person who has attractive spiritual and personal qualities that appear to be ideal for a life-long marital union.
Certainly children of God, who opt for marriage, ought to seek companions who are compatible with them, and with the Lord — someone who will be able to enhance their journey toward heaven.
It should be recognized, however, that marriage is an option, not an obligation. There are some who choose not to marry, and they seem perfectly happy and well-adjusted as single people.
Others, who desire to marry, simply have not discovered a suitable prospective mate, and, with patience, they choose to wait. Perhaps they are familiar with the old adage, “Marry in haste; repent in leisure.”
It is entirely possible, however, for men and women — young or old — to feel pressured to marry. Hence they may enter this sacred union rather impulsively, without due consideration for their eternal interest, and thus for a variety of wrong motives. Such a rash judgment can prove disastrous.
Marriage is an “until-death-do-us-part” commitment. It ought to be approached from a joyous, yet cautiously-solemn, vantage point. Marriage should be embraced for wise reasons, not foolish ones. Let us reflect momentarily upon some of the impetuous motives that lend themselves to the abandon of some, who rush headlong into marriage.

Marrying for Money

Some marry for financial security. All of us have heard those exotic stories of the young girl who is romanced by, and becomes wedded to, the proverbial older multi-millionaire to live in jet-set luxury. Such cases are rare, of course, but the happiness sought in such arrangements is rarer still.
Closer to home are the situations, for example, where a daughter is reared by a shiftless, unproviding father. Determined to have the better life, she marries the first young man who is able to offer her economic stability.
Such a barter is a sorry basis for marriage, and she may learn well the heartbreaking lesson that a happy home is more than dollars and cents.

“I Do” for Spite

Some marry out of revenge. It is difficult to fathom the fact that there are those who would enter into such a sacred union merely out of the desire to punish another person. But the “I’ll-show-you” attitude is more prominent that most would care to admit.
A young lady may enter marriage to show her parents that they cannot control her life — particularly in the case of a young gentleman of whom they may disapprove. A jilted youth may marry on the rebound — just to demonstrate that “two can play this game.”
But it’s not a game! Marriage relationships can have eternal consequences.

“All My Friends Are Getting Married”

Not a few have entered marriage because it’s the voguish thing to do. All their friends have marital mates, why should they be left in the lurch?
Peer pressure is so great at certain times in life. Far too many have impulsively run off to get married on a dare, or because others were doing it.
Snap decisions can generate a life-time of bitter experiences. Marriage is not an arrangement with which to trifle.

“Oops ... Let’s Get Married.”

Marriage should not be entered just to cover a mistake.
In this age of lust and promiscuity, what should a couple do when they discover that a child has been conceived out of wedlock? Sometimes, a “we-must-get-married” is the quick-fix formula.
In the event of such a mistake, a Christian couple, first of all, should repent — with genuine sorrow — and seek God’s pardon.
Second, the couple should then devoutly consider their options. Do they really love one another, and are they committed to serving God? If so, they well may wish to marry, and put their mistake behind them.
On the other hand, if exalted qualities are not a part of the relationship, merely “getting married” is not a resolution to their problem, and it certainly will not enhance the happiness of their child.
In some cases it would be far better for a young woman to wait, perhaps eventually finding a devout father for her child, than to wed her partner in fornication “for the sake of the baby.”

Getting a Trophy

Marriage on the basis of mere physical attraction is a foolish mistake.
The grass withers and the flowers fade — and so does physical beauty. Thousands of American couples have watched the degeneration of their marriages because the relationships were grounded principally on external features.
Spiritual qualities and personality traits are the real glue that bonds couples in committed unions. Beauty is only skin deep, and if some were skinned how hideous they would appear.
Our youngsters should be taught the true values that under gird lasting marriages.

Bored and Looking for Adventure

There are those who enter marriage to escape a miserable or boring domestic situation.
Late adolescence is a difficult and confusing time of life. Youngsters are in a “twilight zone” of sorts. They are not ready to survive on their own, yet they have developed a sense of independence. They are restless for new adventures.
If their home-life is an unhappy one (with perhaps harsh and insensitive parents), they may be tempted to quickly find a mate simply to escape the misery of their present circumstance.
This is a serious mistake. It may be going from the proverbial frying pan into the fire. Escape is not a noble motive for forming the most intimate of human relationships.

Marrying for Desperation

Finally, it hardly needs saying, but it is the epitome of folly to marry out of desperation. It is better to be single for life, than to live a in a house with a hateful mate.
But some are so afraid that at their “advanced” stage of life, if they don’t marry soon, the bliss may never come! The thought of missing out is too horrible for them to contemplate. And so, marry they must.
I have known of several cases where folks married out of panic, only to have the relationship crumble within weeks. I cannot but be reminded of a whimsical poem I once read (author unknown). I share it with you for its humor and wisdom.
At sweet sixteen, I first began
To ask the good Lord for a man.
At seventeen, as I recall
I wanted someone strong and tall.
The Christmas that I reached eighteen,
I fancied someone blond and lean.
And then at nineteen, I was sure
I’d fall for someone more mature.
Then at twenty, I thought I’d find
Romance with someone with a mind.
I retrogressed at twenty-one
And found the college boys most fun.
My viewpoint changed at twenty-two,
When “one man only” was my cue.
I broke my heart at twenty-three
And asked for someone kind to me.
Then begged at blase twenty-four
For anyone who would not bore.
Now, Lord, that I’m twenty-five,
Just send me someone who’s alive!

22 March 2018



2 OF 21
"Once you throw out the 'D' word, especially in anger, it's like a bell has been rung, and you can't unring it," says relationship expert and advice columnist April Masini. "Throwing out 'divorce' is like throwing down the third rail. You shouldn't touch it. You shouldn't say it unless you mean it. And you definitely shouldn't use it as a tool to get your partner's attention. " 

3 OF 21
"Absolutes should never be said to your partner," says pre-marital counselor and wedding officiant Hope Mirlis. "The words 'always' and 'never' are rarely true and they're usually said out of anger or frustration. As in 'you always prioritize your friends over me' or 'you never offer to cook dinner.'" Instead, she suggests sticking to the facts, which gives you a way to be honest about what's bothering you without immediately putting the other person on the defensive. "I use a technique with couples that starts with a statement of a fact rather than finger pointing," Mirlis explains. "So, 'I noticed that you've seen your friends four times this week, but we haven't scheduled a date night.' Or 'I cooked dinner every night this week.'"

"'Shut up' tends to spill out in the middle of a fight or when a partner is upset or annoyed," says relationship expert and CupidsPulse.comfounder Lori Bizzoco. "But saying 'shut up' is highly aggressive. 'Can you please be quiet?' can deliver the same message in a calmer manner that doesn't feel so 

5 OF 21
"It's common to say this when someone is feeling as if their partner is being too nurturing, overprotective, or controlling," Bizzoco says. "But the last person your partner wants to be compared to is your parent. Their feelings will likely be hurt, especially if they have good intentions." Before you let those words slip out, "try letting them know what you prefer they not do rather than making them feel like they're coming on too strong." 

6 OF 21
"Any kind of personal insult is an act of emotional violence,"  says Maggie Reyes, life and relationship coach "Belittling is especially destructive, so never, ever turn to phrases like 'you are such an idiot' or 'you have no idea what you are doing.'" Angry words like those cause tension in the short-term — but they can also erode the connection you've worked so hard to build and make it harder to reconnect down the road.

7 OF 21
"You should always avoid labeling your partner when you're dissatisfied with his or her behavior," says Karolina Pasko, a registered divorce and sex therapist. "When we label a person, they get defensive right away." Stick to observations about your S.O.'s behavior, instead. "This way, you're opening up a conversation around how they can change what they're doing."  

8 OF 21
"You should never speak to your partner in the authoritarian manner reserved for unruly children or pets," says Margaux Cassuto, founder "These words rob a relationship of the equilibrium couples are endlessly trying to achieve. Healthy adult relationships are based on a mutual respect and thrive when each person feels they — and their opinions — are valued."

9 OF 21
"Hearing these words is like branding failure into your soul," says relationship expert Audrey Hope. "You can't take them back, even if they were uttered in anger and rage. They will linger and become a self-fulfilling prophesy." 

10 OF 10
"Or, 'I wish I was still with [fill in the blank].' Bringing up a former lover or relationship is about the worst thing you can do," Hope says. Even if it isn't true, "your partner will always believe it."

10 March 2018


Are you wondering if you might be
pregnant? The only way to know for sure is
by taking a pregnancy test. rounded up some of the most
common pregnancy symptoms to see if it’s
time to pee on that stick.

1. Tender breasts - Tingling in your breasts
is one of the most common symptoms of
pregnancy. Breasts may become very
tender and sensitive because they are
preparing to produce milk.
2. Areolas become darker - Those circles
around your nipples can widen and
become darker during pregnancy. This
happens because your body is preparing
for breastfeeding.

3. Spotting - In the very beginning of their
pregnancy, some women notice very light
bleeding, similar to what they have at
the very beginning or end of the
4. Frequent urination - When you're
pregnant, your uterus is pressing on the
bladder, hence, the need to visit the
bathroom more frequently than you're
used to. The bigger the baby, the more
pressure it applies.
5. Fatigue - A lot of girls feel tired during
the early stages of pregnancy.
6. Nausea - Unfortunately, this is one of
the most common 'side effects' of
pregnancy most likely caused by
pregnancy hormones. 80% of women
experience morning sickness during the
first three months of pregnancy.
7. Increased sense of smell - A lot of
women develop a heightened sense of
smell during the pregnancy.
8. Missing periods - Though it may seem
that a missing period is a serious enough
indicator, it's better to get tested and
know for sure if the baby's on the way.

Carrying a child is a hard task demanding
about 300 extra calories' intake a day.
Some girls would start eating foods they
have never thought if trying before,
while others just feel hungry all day long.
10. Mood swings - Due to hormonal
adjustment and overall changes in your
body, you will experience extreme or
rapid change in mood.

07 March 2018


cheating is bad
There is no heart in cheating. It is a very selfish and very heartless act. I've seen people make up every excuse in the world for cheating.
"My spouse doesn't fulfill my needs."
"I've fallen in love but I can't leave my kids."
"He/she understands me better than anyone else."
"I never meant to do it. It just happened."
"My wife is terminally ill." (This was an actual situation on I was asked to answer.)
"My partner and I are in a loveless, sexless marriage."
"Its just not that simple to leave."
Of course not. It is far more simplistic for these people to destroy the lives of others than inconveniencing themselves.
Its such a cop out for some to say "I don't judge others."
People stating they don't "judge" others doesn't mean they choose to take the high road. Not at all.
It means they cosign with the bullshit. They're comfortable with dishonor in others because there is no room for honor in their hearts either.
They see nothing wrong with inflicting emotional pain and scarring on the men and women who have selflessly given them love, patience and understanding they never deserved.
Here's the deal. If things are that bad, its best to just go ahead and leave. Why stay with someone you're unhappy with? Control.
I shake my head at people who cheat and have the nerve to say they love their partners. How can you love anyone knowing you're playing Russian roulette with their lives?
How can you look someone in the face knowing you may be infecting them with a disease that could kill them?
That's the epitome of sociopathic behavior but I'll get to that in a minute.
These people have no clue what love, honor or loyalty is. Not even a bit of comprehension.
If it were possible to dole out dishonorable discharges for going AWOL from social responsibility, they'd be on the front line.
To unconditionally love and honor another human being takes an immeasurable amount of heart.
Cheating is uprooted in self hatred, misery, disloyalty and cruelty. Cheaters KNOW what they're doing regardless of the circumstances.
Some even enjoy the sneaking around and the power they have over not only the idiotic side pieces but their spouses/partners as well.
The lies they tell. The love they withhold.
Its about having complete control over others, so weakened by fear and desperation, they buy into their own illusion.
Side pieces create a fantasy in their heads they need people to co-sign to so that they don't feel so low.
They NEED others to tell them is perfectly fine to have another's spouse/partner so they can avoid facing reality.
At least on the surface. They are fully aware their actions are dead wrong. They simply don't care. Find the "heart" in that.
The only persistent voice they cannot escape is within their subconscious. Its always present--making them aware of how low they are.
They are reckless, merciless and self destructive.
In the late of night, when they're home alone throwing a pity party, the subconscious reminds them they have no honor.
Their minds are darker than a moonless sky.
They don't care who they hurt--spouses/partners, kids, extended family--it doesn't matter.
As long as they get what they want, nothing else matters.
I wouldn't go as far as labeling them as psychopaths. Some are, some aren't. Some definitely are narcissistic or have narcissistic tendencies.
Others are so useless and pathetic, devoid of self-respect, self-esteem or emotional strength.
I'm aware I've pissed off a LOT of cheaters on and off this site but they'll have to wait until Nixon is resurrected and put back in the oval office before I'll care or apologize.
I have no empathy for people who deliberately choose to hurt others--especially children.

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